My Last Five Girlfriends Review: Ex-Rated Movie

five300MY LAST FIVE GIRLFRIENDS (12A): On General Release Friday 19th March

If elephants could talk, they’d say something like, ‘Where’s the rest of the herd?’ or ‘Where does this zoo keep the peanuts?’

They probably aren’t any good at giving relationship advice, not to humans anyway. But this is exactly what happens in upcoming rom-com My Last Five Girlfriends when Duncan (Brendan Patricks) imagines his beau’s stuffed toy come to life and tell him where he’s going wrong.

This would be an ordinairy film if it weren’t for the talking elephant, the Theme Park metaphor and the flying cups (we don’t even need to go as far as fluffy monkey biro). Or rather, it’s still an ordinary film but with quirky special effects tacked on that, while original, do little to disguise an inoffensive but weak plot.

Duncan’s past five relationships have been so disastrous he plans to commit suicide – but not before he makes us sit through every one and witness the journey that led him here.

First up it’s Wendy who he meets on a plane. She seems to gibber on forever, so thank god for the Barbie doll timeline to summarize her back story. Nevertheless, her shift lasts all of eight minutes.

There are three more that I can barely remember, including a failed meal with the estranged ‘Olive’ and a fiery relationship with a girl with god-awful taste in shoes. In fact, the film doesn’t really get going until Duncan meets Gemma. Finally, one begins to care what happens to these characters.

There’s a particularly sweet part when Duncan, afraid to say the real words, tells Gemma, ‘I marshmallow you’. Either that or he’s taken the metaphor idea way too far.

But for all the crazy imagery, the film has a pretty weak ending. Or perhaps Duncan is so hapless, it couldn’t have finished any other way. I digress.

My Last Five Girlfriends had potential but was let down by its eccentric plotline. A probable summary for every past relationship – I take it all back.