The Crimes Of Friedberg And Seltzer

vampires-suck300Jason Friedman and Aaron Seltzer have a lot to answer for. If their cinematic crimes were environmental disasters, they’d be the equivalent of the Exxon Valdez, The BP Oil Spill and Chernobyl all rolled into one.

They are at once all four of the horsemen of the silver screen apocalypse – War, Famine, Pestilence and Death.

Just in case you’ve been fortunate enough not to have heard of Friedberg and Seltzer, they’re the filmmaking reprobates who burped up Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie – films which have less depth than your average puddle and the wit and grace of a tepid bowl of tapioca pudding.

A quick glance at their Rotten Tomatoes rating reveals that they’ve never had movie rated more than 6% fresh and if you combined the ratings of all their films they would only manage to get 18% – which would still be a god awful piece of trash.

Their latest submission is Vampires Suck, which has a trailer so bad that it makes me want to hurl myself off a high building. I thought you were supposed to put the good bits in the trailer? If that’s the best they can do, I might see if making a paper hat out of my popcorn carton or stabbing myself to death in the theatre is more entertaining come the actual screening.

Worryingly Friedberg and Seltzer’s films actually do quite well at the box office – no doubt among misguided and/or stoned college students who wander in off the streets. Please, I’m begging you, don’t encourage them. Mark my words, they will be the downfall of our civilization.

We’ll have the official review for you in a couple of weeks.