OTB Meets Angelos Epithemiou, Who Reveals How He Lost His Virginity…

OTB met the Greek burger van-owning, one-time Caterer of the Year extraordinaire Angelos Epithemiou ahead of his appearance on Dave’s One Night Stand to talk about how a childhood accident inspired him to get into comedy, bidding farewell to his virginity, and discovers just what’s in his bag…

What is your One Night Stand episode for Dave about?
It’s a show where I go to Derby to do a standup routine about my hometown Derby, which isn’t my hometown, ‘cos that’s in Greece, but they didn’t have the budget. So I did it in Derby, which was nice, but I was only there for a night and spent most of it in the hotel.

What’s your house like?
Well ‘cos I’ve been doing showbiz stuff, I never get round to fixing the bog or moving the book from underneath the door. At the Dorchester they know how to serve a good cup of tea, but when I’m at home I just think ‘I’ll have another pot noodle’. I basically live like a student, although I’ve never been a student and I’ve never studied in my life. Everything I’ve learnt has been from the Internet on the Googles.

Did you have a nice childhood?
It was really hard work ‘cos I got mixed messages. My mum was a graphic designer and she was into art and that sort of stuff, but my dad was a blackmailer, so I often thought to myself ‘who do I believe here?’ He’d do anything to get himself down the pub, and she’s very creative so he took the piss out of her a lot. I am a product of my environment.

Do you have any particular memories of childhood holidays?
The funniest thing I ever saw was my mate Kenny fall down a hole in Neasden when we were about eight-years-old. Unfortunately he permanently buggered his ankle and his wrist, but it was the one thing that made me think ‘yeah, I want to get into comedy’ ‘cos it was hilarious! It took a long time for people falling down holes to become fashionable and it wasn’t until Youtubes came along, and Jackass – which I love…

…And You’ve Been Framed remains popular, although a lot of the clips seem staged…
I think it has been staged, ‘cos they offer £200 here and £200 there, but when you think we’re now in 2012, some of the videos on there are from 1998! It’s also the same on World’s Wildest Police Chases, which I watch all the time. Clips on there are also from 1998, and I’ve seen the same stuff on Cops On Camera the week before. I think they’re pooling their resources to be honest!

What were you doing in 1998?
I was buying my first van from Dave in Sunderland. We fell in love and then he beat me up and went back to Sunderland. That was my first burger van though.

Do you still own the same van?
No… I had that van, then sold it and bought another van, then I won a prize and then that one blew up. I got the insurance money from that one and I bunged all of it into a new business: elephant tusks, because everyone is bang into that, I thought. It turns out they weren’t and I had to do Shooting Bloody Stars.

How were you discovered by Vic and Bob?
I won an award for caterer of the year and Mortimer came up to present the award to me and he asked me to come onto Shooting Stars. I said no and told him I wouldn’t go on that show if they paid me. But he was crafty and kept on hassling me so I finally gave in. Let’s be honest, if it wasn’t for me that show would’ve gone down the pan with those two members of the lucky club.

When did you lose your virginity?
Good question! I was 14, I started early. It was a bit of bump and grind, y’know. It was pretty full-on ‘cos I knew what I was doing already having read all the books. I got them out of charity shops and I spent a lot of time in the library researching how to do the fiddling about so the lucky lady had no idea I’d never done it before. It was good fun for her, and it was good fun for me too, I’ll be honest with you. It’s easier for younger people nowadays as they can do their research on the Internet.

What’s in your bag, Angelos?
A horn, another horn, a mask, Vin Diesel’s head, some mini Easter eggs, I’ve got some tippex, some Top Trump Cards, loads of stuff.

Thanks for speaking to us, Angelos. Best of luck with the show.

Angelos appears with Tom Rosenthal and Imran Yusuf on Dave’s One Night Stand at 10pm, Wednesday 28 November on Dave.