Rumour mongers are in overdrive at the moment casting out some rank implausible ‘ITK’ gossip on what happens in Star Wars: The Last Jedi (15 December 2017) and we’re desperate to find out what happens to Rey and the resistance in their battle against the tyranny of the first order.
So what are we going to do to kill time between now and release day? Well, there’s YouTube and, of course, there’s the home of truth and factual accuracy, Twitter. We’re totally stoked on the rumours that are flying around and have magicked a few of our own – which in no universe are even remotely ITK.
A long time ago on a rocky island far, far away…
Is this the opening scene from Last Jedi? Of course it is (we have no idea, really), but this is the obvious place to pick up the story again after the cliffhanger, big reveal at the end of Force Awakens. Beardy, one-handed, Jedi hermit Skywalker didn’t seem massively pleased to see Rey but the teasers indicate he takes to training her in the ways of the Force – so it’s clear he doesn’t send her packing straight away.
But come on, why is Luke Skywalker kicking his heels on a rocky, windblown, ocean cliff top? Why is he there? What’s he been up to? And what happened to his dress sense and his razor? These are important questions that need to be answered.
What’s Pikachu’s role?
The Star Wars franchise does like to indulge itself with cutesy little merchandisable characters and Last Jedi is no exception. The cuckoo in Last Jedi that is ousting 2015 favourite BB-8 from the nest is Porg, a Pikachu-type creature that will melt the hearts of young children and rinse the wallets of adults in the run-up to Christmas. Expect to see books, bags, t-shirts and toilet paper plastered in this little fella. You never know, in 20 years, they might actually be collectable like, er, the Jar Jar Binks back pack.
He’s going for a double
Kylo Ren? This lad’s got serious mummy and daddy issues. His granddad was the card-carrying, sub/dom, heavy breather Darth Vader (aka Anakin Skywalker), he’s in thrall of the supreme leader and all-round baddie Snoke, he offed his father, Han Solo, in The Force Awakens and mum Leia is top of his list in Last Jedi.
Will he? Won’t he? If we were a betting lot we’d lay odds that the dearly departed Carrie Fisher – barring some new testament-style ‘miracleyness’ – won’t be getting a starring role in the next film and as such, we reckon Ren’s going to do her in.
Mirror, mirror on the wall whose the darkest bad ass of all?
We’ve got a theory that Luke’s self-imposed hermitage is not as benign as it appears. Nobody plonks himself on a rocky promontory for quality ‘me time’ or to get ‘in touch’ with himself unless he’s on the 12 steps or has lost his marbles. He’s clearly a madman (yes, we made that up) – but it would make a killer storyline; like father, like son and all that.
Star Wars rumours are flying everywhere you look. This article dives into it, will Luke head to the dark side? Will Rey take his place next to Snoke? Will Kylo Ren and Uncle Luke kiss and make up? So many questions and so few answers.
Producer JJ Abrams has said this is his last swing of the light sabre on the franchise, so we’re hoping The Last Jedi delivers some interstellar humdingery in the struggle between good and evil. Abrams has had two Star Wars hits so far, will this one be a swing and a miss? Who knows? But as Lando Calrissian famously said: “Here goes nothing …”
Star Wars: The Last Jedi is in cinemas from 15 December 2017.