Chris Columbus Is Behind Young Jesus

Yes, that’s right folks, it’s just as we suspected. All those miracles and such – walking on water, water into wine, Gremlins – they’re all the result of a collaboative effort between Chris Columbus and Jesus. Well, not really, but Columbus is going to be producing Anne Rice’s Christ The Lord: Out Of Egypt.

Cyrus Nowrasteh (there’s a name that hasn’t got its teeth in) will be co-writing the script and also directing.

The plot will see Jesus as a seven-year-old boy leaving Egypt and returning to his home in Nazareth where he discovers that he’s not quite the same as the other lads. Wait a minute, doesn’t this sound like the plot to Smallville? Kid with superpowers. Raised by mortal family. Rather powerful dad. Here to save us all…

Speaking to Variety, Columbus said, “This film has the potential to be a cinematic classic, a picture that will appeal to all ages, all around the world. I am proud to be part of this incredible production.”

Jesus: The Wonder Years. Coming atcha soon.