Highlights From TOWIE Live

Watching ‘The Only Way Is Essex’ and then complaining is basically trolling yourself.

Still, if schadenfreude is your thing, there were highlights:

1. Joey, Diags and Mario trying to do an all-hands-in motivational “One Direction on three.”
Which of course ended up sounding like “Three Direction” and was in fact a very accurate description of their attempts at a synchronised performance.

2. The thrilling lack of auto-tune when Chloe and Diags sang Barbie girl – Its so rare to see celebrities do Stephen Hawking impressions.

3. Half the scenes starting with the cast looking off screen for their ‘structured reality’ cues

4. Arg and Lydia having a fake row with no microphones on – which appeared to end with him threatening to do and then actually doing a “vulture” impression

5. At the exact moment backstage that Sam was trying desperately to cry for dramatic effect, Arg shouted “DID EVERYONE HAVE A GOOD TIME?”

6. An overweight Arg hyper-ventilating as he continued his series of animal impressions with a “penguin” whilst attempting ‘Singing In The Rain’

7. Random back-up dancer screaming when Arg kissed her

8. Denise Van Outen’s intro: “Previously on The Only Way Is Essex…” then silence, then “Something about fake tits. I don’t know.”