Michael Bay On Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Outcry

If it doesn’t have a fuse then he’s usually not interested but then again when it comes to perverting the childhood memories of those born in the 80s, he’s king of the heap. Michael Bay, who announced last week that he was planning to “reimagine” the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ back story and have them as aliens, has responded to overwhelming backlash but telling fans that they should “chill”. Some comfort.

“When we are done with this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist. These turtles are from an alien race and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely lovable” he said. Well, that seems to scupper any hope that a movie based on the considerably darker comic strip will be made this time around, but what the hell is Bay thinking. The clue’s in the title – Teenage MUTANT Ninja Turtles.

Speaking on his own website, Bay said, “Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.”

A richer world huh? More complex huh? Well, the original backstory was plenty rich and complex enough thanks Bay without your perpertual meddling. With his track record, they’ll probably all turn out to be robots under their skin. Robots that explode. In a mushroom cloud shaped like the Nike logo.

I suppose it could end up being a bold new take…but…ah, who am I kidding, Bay has the subtlety of a half-brick. Where’s Splinter when you need him?