US President Donald Trump is set to star in a special one-off episode of ancestry programme Who Do You Think You Are? on the BBC.
The programme, taped before Trump’s inauguration, will focus on The President’s humble beginnings in business before branching out into family history. Names such as “Ivana Trump” make the family tree more amusing than most.
“I had a very humble childhood“ Trump claims; “my father gave me a small cheque for 1 million dollars that he found under the couch“. The president continues: “I built Trump Industries into the biggest company in the world. I had no business connections or nepotism. Lucky I got my big break in Sweden. In Sweden! Who would believe it? I love Toblerone. You know they got that off me?”
The show looks into the President’s deep ancestry. finding roots in some surprising bloodlines. This caused quite a bit of confusion for the then President-elect, who called it: “fake research“ and claimed that the genealogists were “probably working for CNN“.
The show’s researchers looked through an Austrian census from the 1930s and found a family named “Trump” believed to be transatlantic cousins of the President. Luckily the researchers were able to find a book written by a member of the Austrian Trump family which opened with the line: “Mein kampf ist der reid das vurld oft das meksikez und das nastish wumoneich“ which roughly translates to: “My dream is to rid the world of Mexicans and nasty women.”
The show also controversially found evidence that President Trump has Mayan heritage in his family history. His original surname may have actually been: “La Trumpa“ and the La Trumpa family were known for their ancient carpentry. The La Trumpas used their carpentry skills to build a wall around their town; in hopes to discourage European settlers who were said to be taking jobs, selling drugs, and grabbing women by the vagina.
The new President seemed rather taken aback by the discoveries on the show, slamming the BBC on Twitter:
“@BBC doesn’t know that my ancestors lived in Manhattan before Jesus did. DISHONEST MEDIA!“
Despite this he went on to tweet: “show had biggest TV audience of all time… 12 times more than OJ trial! #guilty #notmyquarterback”
We managed to speak to one of the producers of the special, who gave us a behind-the-scenes glimpse into Mr. Trump’s behaviour on set:
“He’s seems to be a very cautious man. One of our runners found him in the BBC canteen searching the microwave for hidden cameras whilst whispering: ‘Obama’s got this place bugged.’ Ordinarily we’d kick him out but he’s the leader of the free world so there’s not much we can do really. Apparently a lot of people are having this same exact problem lately.”
The Donald Trump Who Do You Think You Are? Special airs on April 1st at 12pm on BBC One.
In case you haven’t noticed, this is an April Fool and thus this story is not true.