The Hoff Rescues Child From Coma

Get the Pope on the phone becuase David Hasselhoff has proclaimed himself worthy of a Sainthood after saying that fame has blessed him with mystical healing powers which he has used to save 1,000 people (so far!)

The Knightrider actor and Britain’s Got Talent judge, who is apparently adored in Germany, talked about holding “the hand of a kid who is dying” and playing the child a tape of his voice to free him from his coma.

“I did a tape for a kid saying, ‘Hey buddy, it’s Michael Knight, Michael Knight, come on, wake up, wake up, wake up” explained the Hoff.

“The phone rang and they said, ‘Remember that kid you did the tape for that was hit at that crosswalk in London? Well we played the tape for him and he came out of the coma.'”

Not one for being humble, the Hoff then proceeded to say: “I don’t want to be corny or anything but that’s happened to me a thousand times all around the world because it can affect people in a positive way.”

Whilst we can already imagine the Hoff emblazoned in stained glass in churches around the world, don’t go praying to the Saint Hassel of Hoff just yet. He’s first got to finish his ‘Mother Theresa’ duties in this life and judge the Britain’s Got Talent final.

However we’re harbouring suspicions about what kind of ‘talent’ our beach loitering friend is concerned with..

“The girls in Liverpool have weird clothes,” he told reporters recently. “They go out in the middle of the winter in four below zero and wear skirts that are above their crotches – it’s unbelievable.” We can’t see him complaining that much.