Following Fox TV’s recent announcement that it will shortly commence production on a new series of the increasingly absurd action thriller 24, after a gap of over three years during which nobody was really that bothered, On The Box examines the news in detail and explains exactly why the whole enterprise is an abysmal idea:
1. The entire series will consist of only twelve episodes, hence urinating into the surprised face of both the show’s basic premise and raison d’etre. Admittedly they gave up on the whole “events occur in real time” thing by the third series, but this is just silly. What are they going to call it? 12?
2. Actually no, it’s going to called 24: Live Another Day. Which a) as a title doesn’t actually make any sense at all and b) makes the whole thing sound like a down-market Bond film. 46-year-old Keifer Sutherland may be many things, but he’s no James Bond.
3. Early reports were that, for the first time since the best-forgotten TV film 24: Redemption, the show will be set outside the United States. Specifically Europe. An espionage thriller starring a lone American agent on the run from his previous employers set in Europe? 46-year-old Keifer Sutherland may be many things, but he’s no Jason Bourne.
4. Actually no, it later transpires it’s going to be set almost entirely in London. An espionage thriller set largely in London? Skyfall? 46-year-old Keifer Sutherland may be many things but he’s no James… we’ve said that, haven’t we?
5. Due to the foreign setting and the fact almost all have been killed or have had their hand cut off, there will be none of the recurring characters that made some of the later series bearable returning.
6. Except supremely annoying Chloe O’Brian. Dammit.
7. And equally aggravating Audrey Raines, Jack Bauer’s occasional love-interest and a character so regularly either hopeless in a crisis, constantly imperiled or generally useless she made Kim Bauer look like Lara Croft.
8. Oh and Audrey’s father James Heller, once again destined to torment viewers trying to remember which major U.S. soap opera the actor playing him used to appear in and making it impossible to pay attention whenever he was on screen. Dallas? Dynasty? (It was Knots Landing)
9. Jack Bauer’s hugely distracting habit of weird repeated-really-fast-blinking thing he used to do whenever ‘registering an emotion’ or ‘thinking really hard’ that made him look like he was about to have a seizure.
10. Keifer Sutherland has been quoted as saying, regarding the new series – “By the time you’re finished watching an episode you’ll feel like you’ve been there…ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT”. Which is not only a woeful thing to say, but suggests his research into filming in England means Jack Bauer will now talk just like…JEREMY CLARKSON.
Filming is due to start in London in January 2014.