An Idiot’s Guide To.. The Royal Television Society Programme Awards 2012

THE ROYAL TELEVISION SOCIETY PROGRAMME AWARDS: Tuesday 20th March, Grosvenor House Hotel, London

“Royalâ€?? Do we vote for which televised royal performance we loved the best?
Thankfully not. For how would we possibly choose between Prince Harry’s government-funded Jamaican gap year and Kate Middleton standing on her hind legs, uttering her first words?
I liked it most when the Queen slagged off her wedding dress. Best Comedy Performance for Liz.
It’s nothing to do with the royals, other than the Prince of Wales is current the group’s patron. The Royal Television Society is a British educational charity for the discussion and analysis of telly in all its various forms. It’s known simply as “RTSâ€? by anyone who’s heard of it – ie. wheatgrass-shotting, Monster Beats headphone-donning, tweeting and Wayfaring media monkeys. And Prince Charles.
Well that may be why I’ve never heard of it.
You should have though, as it is the oldest television society in the world. Founded in 1927, it’s even more ancient than fellow televisual institution Bruce Forsyth. Just.
Will he be presenting the awards then?
No, they’re having a younger, Welsher model – Rob Brydon. He’ll be presenting the RTS Programme Awards tonight at the Grosvenor House Hotel on Park Lane.
And who are we awarding?
The nominations are for celebrating the best television aired in 2011, and there are only three nominees for each category.
Only three? Now that’s what I call a shortlist.
Oh, you card!
You can’t teach this stuff. So what kinds of categories are there?
Pretty much everything you’d expect, all the way from the Best Actors and Writers to Daytime TV to Children’s Drama. Something for everyone, all are equally catered for there…
Never heard that said about a Park Lane hotel before…
…and there are some sure-fire favourites, for example, Frozen Planet has been nominated for Science & Natural History, and The Killing for International Award.
Any exciting clashes?
Steven Moffat for Doctor Who versus Neil McKay for Appropriate Adult, Freshmeat versus Rev, and Vicky McClure for This is England ’88 versus Emily Watson for Appropriate Adult.
Oooh any predictions?
None that would be relevant. Derren Brown’s shortlisted, so he will have compelled the judges to choose him for every category. That, or one of his production team has slyly tampered with each of the sealed envelopes, just like on his programmes.