Britain’s Got Talent Final Rundown

Yes it’s that time again when members of the public humiliate themselves on live television in order to impress two evil cackling masterminds and a mannequin with a wig on – it’s the Britain’s Got Talent Final. Last year, the media had a collective field day when SuBo was in the running only to be pipped at the post by Diversity.

As it’s the final, they’ve hopefully wheedled out all the crud and what should be left is the crème de la crème of British talent. Unfortunately, it’s not just the cream that floats to the top…

Tobias Mead – Dancer
Tobias stunned everyone with an incredible body-popping routine which showed that it is possible to make a man entirely out of electrified spaghetti. Full of humour and overflowing with skill, he popped his way into the final as the judges’ best pick.

Spelbound – Gymnasts
Spellbound won their way into the final by an impressive display of athletic and gymnastic skill. Flipping, prancing and cart wheeling, their signature piece was a four-man human pyramid with the top man doing one-handed handstand on top of the third guy’s head all to the sound of Led Zeppelin’s Kashmir.

Tina And Chandi – Dancing Dog Act
You’d think that human and dog shows were the stuff of times past, but Tina and Chandi showed otherwise with a mesmerising and heart-warming routine which melted even Simon’s cold black heart. But will the cute factor be enough to win her the final?

Connected – Boyband
With a collective age of about 2 1/2 , this troop of singers wowed the judges with their slick vocals and harmonies. They even got renowned sourpuss Simon Cowell to like them and if that’s not a tall order for a singing group, then I don’t know what is.

Paul Burling – Impressionist
People’s impressions usually go down like a lead balloon at parties. But Paul Burling was different as he managed to blend some memorable, funny and above all convincing impressions into his performance. Much better than Les Dennis, put it that way.

Christopher Stone – Singer
Not really the kind of chap you’d expect to sing opera, but then who knew that Susan Boyle had such a voice in her. Christopher looked like he was about to burst into tears at any moment but his performance was absolutely stellar. Now if only he could find his feet in all that mist…

Janey Cutler – Singer
Despite looking like your disapproving school librarian and that she might crumble to dust at any moment, Janey had a surprisingly powerful voice which was sufficient to win the public vote. If she moves that microphone anymore while she’s singing, she’ll have her eye out.

Twist And Pulse – Dancers
Body popping seems to be a staple of this year’s BGT, but Twist and Pulse managed to fuse their skills with an infectious humour that tickled everyone’s funny bone. They dub their style “Streetomedyâ€? and mix of “streetâ€? and “comedyâ€?. Not so hot on the names then, but worth checking out for the moves.

Kieran Gaffney – Drummer
Kieran’s drumming skills got him through to the final on the strength of the public vote. He’s a pretty good drummer but gains massive kudos for being only 13 (and playing at on a platform that tilts forward 45 degrees). But will that be enough to see him win the competition?

Liam McNally – Singer
Liam looks like the larval form of the Pillsbury Dough Boy but he wowed both Simon and Piers with his angelic voice. An incredible voice from someone so young – he’s like a modern day Aled Jones but will he be walking in the air in tonight’s final or will he melt away under the gritty stare of Simon Cowell?

So those are the contestants that will be battling against each other in the final. Who do you think’s going to take away this year’s crown? My money’s on Spelbound – they’ve got the grace and style of any circus troop, incredible talent and they’re the most exciting thing in the show but my second pick would be Liam McNally who’s got talent and cuteness – two thigns guaranteed to win the respect of the judges and the hearts of the voting public.