Late Night Love with Bruce Willis

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With the passion and excitement of Die Hard long gone and only the occasional meteor taking the fight to Russia these days, some might say that the man who brought us ‘The Siege’, ‘Tears of the Sun’, and ‘Grindhouse’ has gone soft.

However, way before he was known as Ashton Kutcher’s dad and played hide and seek with Haley Joel Osment, Walter Bruce Willis was just a man with a dream.

A dream to tempt, tease and tantalise the women of 1987 with an album of smooth R&B covers. Much like his character Harry Stamper in Armageddon, Bruce selflessly took one for the team (men worldwide), and helped soundtrack tens of knee-tremblers with classic cuts like ‘Secret Agent Man / James Bond Is Back‘ and ‘Respect Yourself’

‘The Return of Bruno’ is THE gentleman’s seduction soundtrack. When Marvin Gaye would be too obvious and she’s not quite ready for six minutes of Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer, give her a B-Willy fix and let two and half decades of All-American baritone lead her into your open arms.

Scene

Enter: Young couple, third date. Dinner has gone well and they’ve headed back to his place:

“Did you know Bruce Willis once released an album that got to #14 on the Billboard chart
“Do you have it? I’d love to hear it..
“How did you guess? Was it my collection of monogrammed kimonos
[He pushes play] *Clothes evaporate*

Despite a lengthy YouTube search and appeals to many, many Gods, the existence of an accoustic cover of “If You Don’t Know Me By Now remain sadly, just rumour.

There is an OTB reward for anyone who can find it. Answers in the comments.

Five more songs we need to hear from the artist formerly known as John McClane:

Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart (Dan Band Edit)
Frank Sinatra “New York, New York
Jo-Deci “Freakin’ You
Mark Morrison “Return of the Mack
Mystikal “Shake Ya Ass

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