The Kids From Friends: Reunited!


Like a middle-aged divorcée frantically flicking through old photographs of his ex-wife, lest he forget the good times, Channel 4 continued to repeat Friends long after the series bowed out in 2004.

It was after an emotional intervention that they reluctantly moved on, replacing their one true love with The Big Bang Theory, which makes a decent enough consolation prize, but hardly fills the Friends-shaped void in Channel 4’s heart.

It seems as if the only way Friends could ever find its way back on to Channel 4 would be if the cast were to reunite for more episodes. However, given that the actors, all now in what must be their late fifties (early sixties perhaps?), have moved on with their careers, such a reunion seems unlikely, and indeed unnecessary.

What would be more plausible perhaps, if networks were to become truly desperate, is a series about the characters’ grown up offspring, which would include both Monica and Chandler’s twins, Phoebe’s triplets and Ross and Rachel’s daughter, Emma.

But it’s Ross’ son Ben who would surely be the big star of the show, as the young actor who portrayed Ben in the series, Cole Sprouse, is currently dazzling teenage girls as the star of the Disney sitcom The Suite Life of Zack & Cody.

Despite him having a name like cockney greengrocer, I’ve been informed that the word on every young girl’s lips at the moment is unequivocally “Sprouseâ€?, and so his participation would be vital to the series success.

Ben, who would be almost eighteen now, will naturally be the heartthrob, but will also have inherited some of Ross’ neurotic ticks. Many jokes will be derived out of him exclaiming, like his father, “WE WERE ON A BREAK!â€? and a love of palaeontology is a given.

To contrast, Ben’s half-sister, Emma, who would only be ten if the show was still around today, will be more like her mother: a spoiled daddy’s girl, but not without her redeemable qualities. In one episode of Friends it was said that
Emma’s favourite song was Baby Got Back, so perhaps an interest in rap may have developed.

There were no instances of Ben and Emma ever meeting on screen in Friends, but it would be a missed opportunity if a relationship hasn’t blossomed since then. Emma will have also befriended Monica and Chandler’s twins, of course, who would be around a similar age.

Chances are the twins, Jack and Erica, will have turned out just like their parents: Jack will be the hapless wisecracking character, whereas Erica will be the highly strung mother hen of the group.

Phoebe’s triplets, who would be fourteen going by the show’s continuity, are harder to place. Would they even make an appearance at all, given that they aren’t really Phoebe’s children at all?

My guess is that their mark on the show would be similar to the Moon family in Frasier, in as much as they turn up from time to time, but add relatively little to the plot, and even less to the humour of the show.

Now, I won’t be watching this series, of course, as it sounds awful. But I will be expecting royalty payments when somebody steals my brainchild and attempts to pass it off as their own, especially if Channel 4 is planning on repeating the show ad nauseum.

And here’s one final idea for them to poach: there has to be a frequent cameo appearance from Joey, who since the series Joey, has become a sort of strange uncle-type figure, lurking around people half his age and drinking cans of lager while pondering where it all went wrong.

So there it is, take it or leave it.