Tom Stade Will Suck A Dick For Testicular Cancer

TomStade

Born and raised in British Columbia, Tom Stade has got the accent (and frequently, diction) of a man you’d expect to find a few hundred miles further south, amongst the Southern California surf scene.

He’s been on Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow, Dave’s One Night Stand and Mock The Week. And although he might not have the profile yet, he’s funny enough not to need any more of an introduction. The only thing that could slow him down was the poor reception on his train back home. Treat yourself and get familiar.

So Tom, are you doing anything for Movember?
Yeah, I’m going to suck a dick. With a moustache.
Why not?
In front of my wife. Going to get real gay. I don’t know why they make words like that..
[Audio cuts out] Tom, I think I lost you…
Where did we get to? Are you going gay for November?
Gay for November?!
Isn’t that what it is? I mean what’s the thinking behind Movember?
I think it’s supposed to raise awareness of testicular cancer
Oh is it? How does that help raise awareness for testicular cancer? Because when I hear Movember I’m thinking “What is that?”
Some of the female equivalents are even worse
What?! Man, they can’t grow a moustache…
Hopefully not… I think they’re growing something else
Oh awesome! That’ll be great. Some of us have got a head start. Us seventies kids love a big bush
Who doesn’t like Scary Movie bush?
Right on

Talking of big hair, I saw a video of you back in the 90s and I’ve got to ask: what happened to the mullet?
Well, we were really enjoying a different time. You couldn’t escape it. I think time has just swept me along, man. I think maybe it’ll come back in the next twenty years when we all get bored of having these really cool hairstyles. And maybe I’ll do it when it comes back around, but I was really just part of the time. When it was [all about] grooving and everybody was having a ball and we were line dancing. I liked it, I’m not gonna apologise [for it].
It was a more innocent time
You’re damn straight it was. (Laughs) It was a time of ignorance

One of my colleagues thinks you now look like a hard drinking Paul Rudd – care to comment?
Is he saying I look like a hard drinking Paul Rudd?
Yes she is
Let your friend know I’m probably older than Paul Rudd. And yes, as comparisons go, she’s pretty accurate
Talking of big drinkers, it’s been a pretty massive week for Canadians. Rob Ford admitted to smoking crack in a drunken stupor and then Justin Bieber got caught with some Brazilian hookers – any predictions for who’s next?
My next prediction – let me think about that, Nick…[At this point the audio cuts out for about ten seconds and then I hear]…with bears in Toronto [There’s laughter and then the line goes dead]

Crossing the Atlantic, you’ve been living in Edinburgh now for quite a while; was it just so that you could get cheap festival deals or do you actually like the place?
It was definitely a comedy of errors that got us there. But you know what, in the end, we really fell for the place and the festival is the only time I consider it a vacation
That must be nice. Do you have lots of comedians round to party at yours?
Sometimes I’m thinking of renting my house out… obviously you know…

[We’re back] You’re not being harassed in the quiet carriage are you?
Nah man. I’ve got my head stuck in the luggage racks. Trying not to have everyone listening to this conversation
I was on the train to Wembley once and they caught some Australians hiding in the luggage racks trying to avoid their fares. It was hilarious – took about twenty minutes to extract them from the bags.
Silly Australians. They’re so stupid.
They’re good for a laugh
Of course they are. That’s why they’re there, man
Who else drinks more and parties harder? Canada has a pretty good reputation but I think Australia might challenge you
Canadians [are better] for sure because we’re the only ones who have to drink in minus forty below weather and I challenge anybody to do that. But you want to know who the best drinkers are? It’s the English and I’ll tell you why: your property prices go up the closer to the neighbourhood pub you are.
I can believe that. Is there anywhere you’ve found in the UK that really took their drinking above and beyond?
Oh yeah – totally. The Midlands, man.
The Midlands?!
Fuck yeah. That’s why I got along so good with those guys. That’s where I showed them my hard drinking Paul Rudd face
If you were single, I think “hard drinking Paul Rudd” would make an excellent online dating profile tag line
I just want everybody to know that I was before Paul Rudd too
Maybe you’ve got a Judd Apatow movie in you somewhere?
Eventually when I slow down.. I’m definitely going to write something
Probably a nice little rom-com
Fucking sci-fi man
Why sci-fi?
Just because that’s where my head is most of the time and…hang on Nick. The train just stopped and there’s a whole bunch of people trying to get off and I don’t want to be weird.

[Tom then starts narrating his journey down the carriage whilst pretending to answer questions from the person he’s on the phone to. Lot’s of “excellents,” “you betchas”, and “sure, man.” ]

We’re back in business
Back in business?
Yeah, man
So this sci-fi film. What’s going to happen?
It’s definitely going to be me and Thor and Batman. And we’re going to celebrate Movember. Together.
Call Harvey Weinstein now. That’s Cannes ready.
It’s so ready in my head, buddy. Tell Harvey Weinstein to call me.
You did some writing on Tramadol Nights – would Frankie Boyle maybe play a role in this sci-fi epic?
Naaah. I don’t think he’s that into comics
Really?
Nahh. He’s totally into comics. He’s one of the biggest comic book nerds I’ve met in a long time, man.
I didn’t know that
Yeah, Frankie’s the same as me, man. He loves his comic books. You should see his library. When you’ve got Frankie Boyle money you can get a really nice comic book collection.
What’s he like to work with beyond the comic books?
Frankie is one of the coolest people that I’ve met on this planet, he’s a real true friend. I think he understands life enough not to take it too seriously – and that’s what I love about the man.
That’s a nice quality to have in a person
Yes it is. It’s a nice quality to have in any person. Who wants to hang out with someone who takes life seriously all the time?

As you’ve found yourself on TV more, have you had to moderate your material?
Yeah of course you do. But I learn at the comedy club where I don’t have to moderate. So I will moderate to make sure I don’t have to moderate
That’s very meta
Thanks, man. I was sitting there with my fingers together, breathing deeply, ready to give you the answer you need.
In your calm place
You betcha – just waiting to get back to my ocean of unconsciousness
Moving in the opposite direction of calm, you’ve been in Edinburgh for a few years now. Have you been to an Old Firm game?
Are we talking Hearts?
The Celtic v Rangers games – the ones where there’s about one policeman to every three fans
I’ve been to one Hearts game because somebody got me free tickets but my son has got season tickets to Celtic. He’s a big Celtic supporter
He must’ve grown up in Canada, Wolverhampton and now Edinburgh?
Yes
That accent must be amazing
We don’t even know what it is. A lot of people can’t understand him at all
Your accent is pretty individual too. I think I heard you blame it on “twenty years of dope smoking”
That’s exactly right.
Has drug use helped your comedy or is it just the accent?
I don’t like the way you’re calling it drug use, I’d call it drug enjoyment. I’m of the old school, where I’ve never had a problem with drugs but I’ve had a one or two problems with police.
Tell me about it
You’ve smoked drugs in front of the police? You’re not very good at this, Nick…
No comment
I’m of a hippie generation, so I would never consider it drug use. It’s more just recreation.
Now you’ve been doing this a while, do you still get any hecklers?
Nah man, because I don’t pick on people. But I do get a lot of conversationalists. I don’t consider them hecklers any more. It’s just free material. And together we come up with humour of the moment
Just a bit of free association comedy
That’s exactly what it is. Free association comedy. Being in the moment, riffing and believing in yourself. There’s a difference between telling comedy and being a comedian. And I’m a comedian my man.

Yes you are, Tom. Yes you are.

Tom Stade is on tour now. Buy tickets here

For more information on Tom, head to his website or follow him on Twitter.

Follow Nick Arthur on Twitter

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