What the Hell Is.. Volcano Live?

Oh my God is the BBC finally bringing the three-piece rock band from Chicago, Illinois that draw on influences ranging from Classic rock, Post-punk, Free Jazz and Noise Rock to our TV screens?
What? No. Why on earth would the BBC spend license-fee money on such incredibly niche output? No. What’s actually happening is that we’re being treated to a four episode series of volcano voyeurism.
Where and when is this red hot and not at all niche event occurring?
Don’t start using volcano puns. The series will be broadcast on four consecutive nights from the 9th to the 12th of July from the surface of the Hawaiian volcano of Kilauea.
And that’s supposed to be entertaining?
Oh, so the BBC has commissioned an eruption or something? Is the underlying geology of the area aware of this?
Kilauea has been erupting for some while now. The hope is that come the 9th it’ll still be going strong. Failing that there will also be live reports from Iceland, Italy, the Congo and Chile throughout. If that doesn’t whet your appetite for a bit of enlightening spectacle then I don’t know what will.
Why the hell are they doing this?
Well according to BBC controller Jane Hadlow “Volcano Live will offer BBC Two viewers a rare opportunity to join world-class experts at the forefront of cutting-edge volcanology research.â€? If you’re in to that sort of thing…
I’m not. What else is there on offer?
Erm…Well you’ll accompanied on your tour through the science of volcanology by the enthusiastic and insightful Iain “More Scottish than Scotchâ€? Stewart and Kate “Happyâ€? Humble. Most likely he’ll be handling some of the heavier stuff whilst Humble keeps things light and smiley.
Did we ask for this? Volcano Live sounds really boring and self-indulgent on the part of all involved.
Well you may, or apparently may not, have noticed that live educationally focused programmes have been thriving on the BBC. Springwatch gave us a bit of natural history, Stargazing a bit of astronomy and we got to see a load of cute little baby lambs being born in Lambing Live. You sound angry.
I just hate Kate Humble because she gets so bloody excited about everything. And she’s a successful woman, on TV. I don’t pay my taxes in order to see that. Even so, she’d definitely get it.
You sound like a narrow-minded misogynist and obviously have little interest in anything volcano related other than Volcano! the trio behind incidental ‘Art Rock’ footnote “Pulling My Face in and out of Distortion, I Blink Too Muchâ€?. We should probably end this interview. I’m not sure I trust your sexual politics and suspect you of being a moron.
OK, do you happen to know where I can watch last week’s The Bachelor?

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