Nostradamus famously predicted that the world would end in 1999, although he was wrong, of course. That year, human civilisation was left relatively unshaken, despite the release of Will Smith\u2019s \u201cWillennium\u201d and The Phantom Menace. In actuality, the world is going to end this month, and we, of course, know this for certain because director Roland Emmerich says it will. \u201cSCIENCE HAS CONFIRMED IT\u201d insisted the trailer for Emmerich \u2018s movie 2012 (2009), which tells the prophetic tale of Earth\u2019s gruesome destruction, caused by neutrinos that mutate and cook our planet\u2019s core. This isn\u2019t merely fiction either; this is real science that has been confirmed by John Cusack in a film. Our doom really is imminent. All we can do now is watch films that might somehow prepare us for life in a dismal wasteland\u2014if any of us are indeed fortunate enough to survive global annihilation. We can learn a lot from films like the post-apocalyptic masterpiece Zardoz (1974), which warns that \u201cgun is good\u201d and \u201cpenis is evil\u201d, while Sean Connery frolics around in a tiny speedo shooting things, proving as much. We can learn from I Am Legend (2007), in which Will Smith plays a virologist who is immune to a virus that was originally created to cure cancer. Defending himself against the rabid sufferers who have been affected by the epidemic, in one harrowing scene we watch as the aforementioned \u201cWillennium\u201d singer is forced to kill his beloved dog after it becomes infected with the virus. To avoid such a tragedy, be sure to construct your own robotic friends instead, like Freeman Lowell did in Silent Running (1972). Alone in space, he kept his sanity by building his own companions out of metal, in turn inspiring Pixar\u2019s WALL-E (2008) and the brilliant US comedy series Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Company is all well and good, of course, but we\u2019ll also need plenty of mental stimulation\u2014so best steer clear of 2012. On the contrary, Mike Judd\u2019s comedy Idiocracy (2006) teaches us the dangers of advertising, commercialism and cultural anti-intellectualism. And much like the present, the dystopian future in Idiocracy champions stupidity over intelligence: a Gatorade-type drink has replaced water (it contains \u201celectrolytes\u201d!), Starbucks now serve handjobs and the most popular show on television is the all too familiar \u201cOw My Balls\u201d. The fictional series is worlds away from Chris Marker\u2019s La Jet\u00e9e (1962), an excellent featurette constructed almost entirely from still photos (none of which feature any testicular trauma, sadly). It tells the story of a post-nuclear war experiment in time travel and was the primary inspiration for 12 Monkeys (1995). Of course, if all goes awry and none of us survive the fate Roland Emmerich has forced on us, it\u2019s time to accept matters and watch Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012). In it, Steve Carell and Keira Knightley end up forming a close relationship as they await their cruel and certain fate. Still, not to worry. Who knows? Perhaps death won\u2019t be so bad. Michael Bay\u2019s rumoured to be producing his own film on the 2012 phenomenon, scheduled for release in 2014, and thus somewhat missing the point I feel. But on the bright side, if the world does end this month, at least we won\u2019t live to see its release.