Strap yourselves in for the TV event of the summer! Not really, it’s the final of Love Island in which we finally see the back of some of the worst actors ever to grace our screens.
I’m no relationships guru but I know a fake couple when I see one and I’d say there is more meat in a Linda McCartney vegan burger than there is in Curtis and Maura’s union of convenience.
We have 100 minutes to plough through before we get to know the winners tonight, but I can shorten that wait considerably by revealing that Gregg and Amber have no chance. They need to pack their bags now because they are going first.
Third place goes to Curtis and Maura because although she’s funny and good value, he is not. The lad has cooked himself. After pushing Amy under the bus, his mask has slipped and the infamous Jordan faux matey advice manoeuvre that saw his pal and Anna eventually kicked should have called time on his own time in the villa.
If you’ve followed these previews throughout the series, you’ll know my views on the Molly-Mae/Tommy axis of saccharine inanity. Even though they are the couple who deserve each other, they are a charisma desert – a parched and desolate place where only pre-school level humour is allowed. The Twitterati have it in for poor Molly-Mae, they think she’s catfishing her mark and that will be enough to scupper their chance at the 50k. Out at number two.
Ovie, Ovie, Ovie, eh? He arrived late and had trouble mixing initially but has had a solid game plan which he has executed to perfection. The only fly in the ointment is India. She’s said the right things and played a tactical game, but the approval of her mum and sister for her pairing with Ovie will have done her chances with doubters no harm at all. I think these two will pip Mr and Mrs Fury to the prize.
Love Island – The Live Final – Monday at 9.00pm on ITV2.
Disclaimer: I don’t know what I’m talking about and take no responsibility for any bets placed as a result of reading this nonsense. If I’m right, feel free to tell me how great I am. If I’m wrong, stay away!