Downton Abbey – Series 3, Episode 7 Review

In the teary aftermath of Lady Sybil’s death, it’s nice to see some juiciness in the scandal of the Abbey again. Ex-prostitutes trying to cook salmon mousse is one thing but sexually repressed valets feeling up straight, though very pretty, footmen is quite another.

So, despite him getting off with the odd Duke, it seems that Thomas has worked at Downton for a good ten years with no one noticing that he is gay. However, when you sneak into the footman’s room and attempt to snog its sleeping occupant, things have a habit of going tits up so to speak. Oh Thomas! We’ve all been there…

Although all this sounds like a rather tame episode of ‘Hollyoaks’, being gay in the 1920’s was a pretty risky business. Imprisonment and other horrible punishments awaited many: even Mr Carson can’t make a good horsewhipping sound enjoyable. Thomas is first and foremost being whipped by O’Brien’s massive stirring spoon. Did he just happen to forget that she declared war on him? Well either way he totally fell for her rather simple plan of telling Thomas that sexy Jimmy obviously likes him, thus leading to Thomas being completely humiliated and outed by Alfred to a scandalized Carson who was in real danger of losing his eyebrows.

Along with the doomed servant love pentagon, things did seem to focus on downstairs this week. We had the long awaited release of good old Mr-Sporadically-Limps-Bates. Finally! It was an obvious conclusion and those prison scenes were not only boring, but contained no beautiful people to keep my attention. Will Anna ever wonder “was it a good idea to marry someone who drove his ex-wife to give him a suicidal up-yoursâ€??

Poor Ethel is being called a slag by everyone in the village; one hopes she’ll hitch up her skirts and stick a big red ‘A’ on her top ‘Easy A’ style, but the posh ladies are instead scheming on kindly kicking her out of town to find herself some happiness somewhere the hell away from them.

Not forgetting upstairs of course: there was much masterful shouting from the men about money and Downton’s survival; Edith pops to London, becomes a journalist, and finds there are actually men in the world who could fancy her and aren’t all saggy; there’s a – gulp – catholic christening; and Matthew worries about his willy so Mary kisses him a few times … I sure that’ll be enough to make a baby.

Author: @JuliaPaynton