With only the promise of a Christmas episode to ease our suffering, Downton leaves our screens for what we can assume is another year.
So since a good year or so has passed in Abbey land I thought Iâd have a look on what progress weâve made along the road to happily ever after.
M&Ms get busy
Well you wonât have much success blending the name of Mary and Matthew into something twee and romantic (having the same surname would hinder this â eww), but if they lived ninety years in the future, M&M (almost twee) would no doubt be on the cover of OK more than Kate and Wills. After only a slight screaming match, M&M finally hot footed it down the aisle and all was lovely and spiffing until five minutes and a new car later when all they had to struggle against was financial ruin, baby-making issues, and Maryâs incessant bitchiness. Well apparently Maryâs sorted out her ladies bits (quite literally) and is all set to be an heir making machine … hopefully.
Duck face is … does anyone even care?
Poor plain old duck face (aka actually alright looking Edith) persuaded asymmetrical Strallen down the aisle but couldnât get him to stay there as he legged it before you could say âIâm too saggy for you darlingâ?. A stiff upper lip later and Edith slash Jane Eyre has got herself a job and is hitting on the editor with the invisible crazy wife. Hmm perhaps Iâll stick âLadyâ on the front of my name: the job offers would roll in. One expects weâll see more of Editor Man at Christmas â letâs hope his crazy wife doesnât burn down the Abbey.
Downtonâs sexy voice gets laryngitis
Sybil and her commoner husband popped in and out of the series before Sybil caused heartache all round by popping her clogs just after popping out a baby. Tom promptly forgot all about being Irish and political and hating aristocracy and ends up joining the lovely rich Crawleys in a spot of cricket because, of course, that is what Sybil would have wanted. From burning down posh houses to hosting in his own series of âCountry House Rescueâ; youâve changed man!
Meanwhile things are all getting a bit crap for Robert â last time the world changed this fast he almost shacked up with the maid. With a slight marital disaster in the middle, Sir Bobâs series revolved around his severe ineptitude with the finances: heâs so bad, he could almost be running a bank in 21st century Britain (on a par with âYo muma so fat …â isnât it). Meanwhile heâs getting slowly and painfully castrated by the lovely Matthew. He relents of course â who can say no to those eyes â and all is well in cricket and the world … isnât there a depression coming up soon though? I’ve heard itâs a great one.
Anna solves it
Batesâ lawyer was a bit crap so it took ladies maid Anna and most of the series to get Bates out of those dreary prison scenes. A bit of random prison enemies stuff and some grassing up of grass (which probably was only grass) to slow up the plot, and Bates is finally free to live in a cottage with Anna and maybe have some babies.
Part Two to follow…