Made In Chelsea Review: The Sloane-ly Way Is Chelsea

MADE IN CHELSEA: Monday 9th May, E4, 10.15pm

Remember that dreadful Channel 4 reality show Seven Days, which was supposed to be an ‘accurate portrayal’ of people living in London but ended showing posh rahs downing wine followed by hours and hours of pointless fashion shoots in South London, leading the show to be criticised BY ALL and cancelled? Well, let’s jack it up four thousand times, make the characters rich enough so they go MWAH MWAH to each other when they enter buildings, and huzzah, you’ve got the new E4 show Made in Chelsea.

This show follows ‘real life people’ with their ‘real life problems’ who hold some of the most exclusive postcodes in the elite social circuit. Yep, that’s right without any further detail this is a complete posh rip-off of ITV2’s The Only Way is Essex. There are scenes in clubs where the music in the background is no louder than what you would conventionally hear in Marks and Spencers, no cameras are ever in shot and all the plotlines are about someone’s opinions on “this girlâ€? or “this guyâ€? who “may like youâ€?. The only difference between this and Essex is that one half of the programme consists of launches of pretentious tat in nightclubs and the other half contains footage of characters in cafes talking about their drunken “war woundsâ€? caused by falling out of taxi cabs the previous night.

It would seem at this point that the show is a total write-off, but it isn’t. It’s part of the draw. The plots are awful. The entire first episode consists of Spencer who is going out with his girlfriend but is actually flirting with another woman, whilst another character Cheska is going to fabulous parties as a means to launch her blog. These shows seem to purposely construct this triviality so that we can acceptably bitch about them. All the characters come across as being frustratingly self-indulgent and materialistic, but this is done so we can then laugh at them when they say something stupid or cheesy. Tonight’s best example? “Let’s get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martiniâ€?. Half the men have longer hair than the women and there’s a bloke who’s such a cock that he gets painted whilst holding a plastic globe thinking the public would “know what this means” in the future. Win.

All-in-all, if you’re one of those people who raise a cynical eyebrow and moan about how shows like this represent how the nation is falling apart with your pipe and slippers, this ain’t for you. If however you like programmes that make you feel obliged to throw something at the screen but with a smile on your face, shows that have the same production values as the Eurovision Song Contest… THIS. IS. FOR. YOU.

Verdict: Good. Great if you like bitching about things on twitter. Brilliant if you’re on twitter and you’re wasted.