PEREZ HILTON SUPERFAN: Wednesday 7th December, ITV2, 10pm
Described by himself as the Queen of Bloggers, by almost everyone else as a self-centred twat and by OTB as a thief, Perez Hilton returned to ITV2 last night with a new series of programmes giving us a sneak peak into his world as a talentless A-List sycophant. The fact that there’s a market for a show like this is more depressing than the recession and Radiohead combined, but hearing that Lady Gaga ‘hearts’ this weasel takes her down several notches on my ladder. If being a twat was a criminal offence, she would be facing charges as an accessory. So would ITV2 as well for that matter..
Nevertheless, I decided to watch the idiot’s programme with an open mind in the hope that there would be a grain of respectable television therein. I was of course disappointed. When I wasn’t dry-heaving I noted that Hilton spent most of his time saying things like; “Do you text many people Lady Gaga? Oh really? I’m so lucky, you text me so often!” and looking at her with joyful but vacant admiration. If there’s one thing that Perez likes more than bullying people for money, robbing disabled children or clubbing seals, it’s basking in the reflected glory of his celebrity friends.
Unfortunately, due to his long and committed career as a twat, he probably doesn’t have as many celebrity friends as he once did and he clings to Gaga like a human parasite. As such, his fawning means that he rarely has time to ask Gaga any remotely interesting questions and spends most of the programme massaging her not insubstantial ego and advertising just how close they are. He also claims that he’s a changed man and no longer ‘outs’ people for personal profit or lampoons ‘slebs with offensive doodles, but the truth is that with everyone becoming thoroughly pissed off with him, his epiphany was enforced. If the Hollywood community think your ethics are questionable, then you really are beyond help. Dull, vacuous, self-serving garbage.
