After forcing Darth Cowell into a ratings back-down this week, BBC bosses will be resting easy in their luxurious swivel-chairs tonight, safe in the knowledge that the Rebel Alliance (Leia J, Jabba Jones, Will.i.Lando Calrissian and Danny C3PO) are safe for another couple of weeks. Why are we working sketchy Star Wars references into a reality TV blog? Who knows, but we’ll probably stop now…
One thing we definitely DO know is that as audience figures for The Voice continue to rise, the craze that has seen people recreate the blind auditions and not actually watch the show is also catching on, which as Alanis Morissette would probably say, is a little bit ironic. Not that she’d know irony if it slapped her in that narrow face of hers. All that stuff in her song was mostly just plain old bad luck, but we digress. Tonight is the final round of auditions before the brutality of next week’s ‘Battle Rounds’ and we’ll be blogging while bringing you the finest Twitter nuggets from 7pm.
6.47 Last 13 minutes of Wall-E filled peace before 80 minutes of live blog action mayhem begins people. Grab yourself a Babycham and pop for a quick wee – there are NO ad breaks in BBC town
6.58 Strap yourself in guys – and get the tissues ready. By all accounts tonight is an emotional one…
7.00 Oh god #wetsself
7.01 Danny O’Donoghue still has the same number of ‘artists’ to find as Jessie J, which isn’t really surprising. He asks her whether she’s going to buzz every single time anyone picks up the microphone. Maybe he does it in real life as well? “Jessie, do you think I should buy these jeans? Jessie, do you think I should prank call Simon Cowell? Jessie, what do your think of our new album? Actually, don’t answer that..”
7.03 Emmy J Mac? There must be a joke in there somewhere..
7.05 I can’t imagine Danny made it through many exams without being chucked out for blatantly looking at his neighbour’s work. Meanwhile Tom Jones’ lips are moving, which means he’s listing famous singers from back in the day..
7.07 She’s gone with Danny. Those girls love a bit of Donoghue, we must remember to crack out a ‘brogue’ more often..
7.09 Jenny Jones! More great names from The Voice this week. We still can’t open the fridge without chuckling to ourselves about Sam Buttery. Top man and a top name!
7.12 Will.i.am failed to disguise his disdain for Danny’s underhand tactics there. We just can’t believe that he managed to figure out the Irishman’s subtle game-plan!
7.15 “Every time I turn around, he’s there!” says Danny. It’s like listening to Noel Gallagher moan about how those pesky Beatles copied his sound. “I guess we’ll never know who’s following who..” says Danny. Well we’re none the wiser..
7.16 Ben Lake? Average name
7.17 Apparently Sophie Griffin comes from a “very small village in Ireland”. Janet Devlin may have been more one-dimensional than a Möbius Strip (yeah?) but she did succeed in levering a new sob-story into a very congested market. How small was this village then?
7.19 Will.i.am totally played Danny there. In other news, Reggie Yates is no Ant and he’s certainly no Dec. We met those two in the BBC canteen once and they were dead nice. Gary Linekar wandered past looking for a sandwich. Now we think of it, what were they doing in the BBC canteen? ..Cowell has his employees whipped simply for using words which include those letters. Everyone has to call his show ‘Ritain’s Got Talent’. We’ve never met Reggie Yates but we’re sure he’s a top fella.
7.22 Is this a good song choice for Ben Lake? Apparently so.. he’s unlucky though.
7.24 He should take over from that GoCompare mug.
7.25 India and Pixie?! We bet their parents are worth a few bob. They’ll be in Made In Chelsea before they’re in the charts..
7.27 SO ANYWAY – Twitter still obsessed with GoCompare Ben and his brutal rebuffal
7.29 *Looks ‘dope’ up in Urban Dictionary..* “People who do not do drugs call Marajuanna Dope. Dope is heroin, not crack, not powder, but heroin. not marijuana, not meth. but heroin. heroin is the only thing that dope could ever be. people who don’t know what dope is are people with very sheltered lives. 50 years ago it was used to descibe marijuana (cannabis) and is still described as dope by those who grew up 50+ years ago.” ..Someone might want to check Will.i.am’s dressing room.
7.31 Anyway, the upper-class urchins are through and despite their privilege, they seem dead nice. Not sure how they got all the judges to turn around though. We thought they sounded ‘pitchy’.. *Looks up Pitchy on Urban Dictionary*.
7.33 Lindsey sounds pitchy..
@heidistephens is nay impressed with this lady’s sobber RT: Imagine – a career AND children. That’s never been done
7.34 Imagine how gutted Danny’s going to be when someone explains that he’s allowed to press his buzzer even if Jessie doesn’t.. (“WHAT?!?!”)
7.37 “There are bubbles everywhere..” Everyone loves a hippy!
7.39 ..Apart from the judges. What a bring down! #theman
The Voice aside…RT @ChrisPambrun: Now I know who stole my curtains.
7.41 She took that well. Karma Harriet! We’d love to see someone losing their shit though, it would be great to see a good old-fashioned storm off.
7:42 YOUR BROTHER STARS IN WATERLOO ROAD!? Just say that out loud and the chairs will come flying round…
7.45 We interrupt this blog to bring you a breaking news story.. Danny O’Donoghue pushed his buzzer before anyone else and he’s bagged his final artist. John James has a great tone..
7.51 LOADS of Twitter love for Ruth
#thevoiceuk That final note >>>>> lawwwwwwwwd!
and a bit of mockery….RT@yaasminx
#thevoiceuk her hair when she was nodding lol sorry that made me lafff
7.55 So Will.i.am and Jessie are battling it out for young Becky. Maybe someone’s told them that the rest of the candidates aren’t all that. They’re both on her like pigeons on a chip. But has Jessie outmanoeuvred Will with an impromptu standing-ovation? ..And on a song that Will wrote! Cheeky.
On a different note…@atlasbagshaw says: “If I went on
#thevoiceuk I’d slather myself in tuna brine & bat droppings, so the judges would turn round to see what the smell was“…OK
7.56 Will’s genuinely gutted there. Done by the sexism card.. still at least Danny can’t steal anyone else off him.. *Cuts to Jedward walking on stage*
8.01 She looks like Jessie J – after accidentally falling asleep on hair clippers
8.03 By the way has anyone seen Holly Willoughby? We quite literally forgot that she was supposed to be co-hosting this thing. Maybe Simon Cowell has stolen and put her to work removing the top two buttons from every shirt that he owns? He’s got a knack for stealing rubbish from the Beeb.. *cough* Alicia Dixon *cough cough*
8.04 This next bloke is about to have a baby. That alone would be enough to get him through on X Factor.. He’s rubbish as well which would also have increased his chances no end.
8.05 Danny O’Donoghue thinks he’s great! That’s probably why he’s a pop-star and we’re sitting in our living room.
8.06 Flattery won’t get you anywhere when the chairs have said NO
8.09 So as we understand it, Will is now lumbered with this bloke, no matter how Wagner he is? Oh how we’d laugh if he was turgid.. Oh right. He’s much better than that last contestant. Will owes his gut big time..
8.10 Danny O’Donoghue is lapping this guy up. Regretting your itchy buzzer-finger much?
@thejamessutton Will I Am couldn’t be camper if his chair was made of rainbows and pressing his button made a high pitched ‘cooeyyy’ sound.
8.15 Danny O’Donoghue loves it.. FACT.
8.16 We seem to have something in our eye.. If anyone spots Holly Willoughby then please let us know. She’s like the sales guy in our office who goes for at least 30 cigarette breaks a day and takes five hour lunches. The only thing he DOES seem to be able to do is put annoying adverts on our site! #git
8.18 Paloma Faith comes to #TheVoice…YESSSSS. The outfit stakes need raising considerably in our humble opinion
8.20 So there we have it folks. Next week we will see each of the judges ten up against each other in warbling duos. Only five in each group will survive. Thinking perhaps we should cut to the chas #Jaztowin
And thanks to Cowell and his lack of a spine, we have missed ZERO minutes of dog-dancing…*tops up drink and switches to ITV*