Three In A Bed Review: Come Whine With Me

THREE IN A BED: Thursday 31st March, C4, 8pm

So ‘Come Bed And Breakfast With Me’ returns for a second series and we can look forward to another collection of B&B owners staying at each other’s establishments, smiling outwardly and seething within. Frankly, it’s a wonder some of these people don’t keel over live on TV with the amount of bile they appear to be keeping in and with conspiracy theories, pubic hair and a liberal amount of swearing, this first episode should grab your attention. The three couples here are Frances and Tim, Ray and Marilyn and Debby and Charlie Brown. Seriously, he’s called Charlie Brown. How much does a night at his B&B cost? Peanuts.

The main problem with programmes like this is that everybody wants to win, and so they’re all looking for the faults in each other’s establishments. This just serves to make it even funnier when Frances says “I don’t go to a place to find fault in it,â€? which is clearly not true, she loves it, because everything she says sounds like a patronising, backhanded compliment.

The undisputed stars of this episode are Ray and Marilyn, who look like throwbacks to the 50s but are by far the most open couple. When the other four get embroiled in some kind of hotel blood-feud over a pubic hair found in a shower, these two just laugh at all the fighting – referring to the incident as ‘pubegate’ – and decide to enjoy themselves which, ultimately, Is the only way to get through a programme like this and not end up hating everybody.  Don’t judge a book by its cover, or, in fact, a B&B by its owners.

The anger reaches breaking point when Frances spills wine on Debby’s bedclothes – a typical problem for a hotel, you might think – but Debby is convinced it’s subterfuge, a cunning plot to get her back for her earlier comments. These people are mad. The way these people have come to dislike each other so intensely in such a short period of time is incredible, if world leaders had fuses this short, we’d all be dead within the week. But conflict makes good telly, and this show has it in abundance, along with more than a few moments that you’ll be listening to with your hands over your eyes. It’s very embarrassing, but really quite fun to watch.