John Carter Trailer Review

Yay! We’ve been waiting for this for ages. John Carter is the story of the eponymous war-weary, former military captain’s adventures as he’s inexplicable transported to Mars and reluctantly embroiled in a huge planet spanning conflict.

It’s out in March next year but in the mean time, let’s take a look at the trailer.

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It begins in a Victorian street where a man is telling “Mr Burroughs” that his “uncle’s passing came as a shock to all of us”. Mr Burroughs eh? That’d be a sly reference to the author of the orginal book, Edgard Rice Burroughs then. Okay, it’s got my attention.

That uncle seems to be John Carter, who wakes to find himself in a desolate wasteland. There he encounters some bald dude (Mark Strong), who’s presumably going to tell him, a beautiful princess and decides that the best thing to do would be to wear a left over costume from Spartacus Blood And Sand. Either that or he’s going to a fancy dress party as He-Man.

Said princess tells him that “our world is dying. Fate has brought you here John Carter”, leading to some bright blue, web lights to fan out from his hands (not unlike a similar scene from Avatar). Apparently John Carter may be the only one that can save them – bloody typical isn’t it?

Cue massive frigging spaceships mashed up with primitive technology (the parallels with Avatar seem to be increasing).

At least John Carter has some cool aliens instead of just those blue wussies.

John Carter can apparently leap tall buildings in a single bound. What is he, some sort of gladiatorial superman?

A final voice over states, “When I saw you, I believed it was a sign that something new can come into this world”. Hmm, doesn’t look like it. It looks like a patchwork of things we’ve seen before. Oh well, jury’s out till March.