WINTER OLYMPICS OPENING CEREMONY: Saturday 13th February, BBC2, 12am ALERT ME
We all like a bit of sport but frankly the Winter Olympics leave me, well, cold (sorry).
I just find it really hard to get into. There aren’t any team sports (save for the glorious stick-based violence of Ice Hockey), so it’s hard to get behind anyone.
Most of the events are guys in lycra seeing how fast they can slide down a hill and because they’re wearing masks, you can never tell what they look like and therefore you never the chance to build up that attachment to a personality.
It’s hard to get excited about faceless mannequins trying to beat a digital clock.
Frankly, the animated adverts for the BBC’s coverage look much more exciting that the real thing. Skiing through a forest pursued by a pack of wolves? Who wouldn’t want to watch that?
There’s that bit at the end where the character uses a curling stone to break a giant bear out of a glacier. If curling really was that exciting and had competitors had to wrestle said giant bear, it might be worth watching, instead of it just being glorified bowls on ice.
I suppose the figure skating is fairly interesting if you’re not sick of D-list celebrities making tits of themselves on Dancing On Ice – here’s a chance to watch it done properly.