Sold? Heineken: The Entrance

A man turns up at a party and blows everyone away by being a complete badass. No, not what I got up to last weekend, but the new Heineken advert.

The star of the new Heineken advert must be the most accomplished man in the history of the world; he dazzles everyone at the very swanky party full of foreign dignitaries and diplomats, and a guy doing kung fu.

Initially achieving viral success on Facebook and Twitter before moving to TV, the ad starts out with a man who looks like a homeless Orlando Bloom entering a lavish party and greeting an array of people from around the world. He then gives an obviously delighted, eye-patch wearing sea captain a glass eye – a lesson to you all there: never go out without a spare glass eye.

After wistful look from a lady, he comes face-to-face with a man dressed as a cowboy who looks like someone’s deflated his face, an old west style draw with finger guns makes everyone laugh and realise that being six was the best age.

A fantastic tablecloth trick, another swooning look and he grabs a basketball and pulls off a spectacular long-range shot, although what ballroom has a basketball hoop? Is it a school hall?

Out of nowhere, a bad Jet Li lookalike starts flipping around all over the place and our man grabs a bottle of Heineken and well choreographed attempts to get the bottle off each other in a kung-fu style, impressing bad Jet Li lookalike.

Our man then grabs a flute and gets onstage to play with The Asteroids Galaxy Tour, the band playing the backing track and performing in the ad, then the party really gets going.

The ad manages to get better with each viewing, until you reach five views and then you get bored of this smug man with all his abilities, being invited to a fancy soirée and becoming the darling of the party. If we were invited we’d probably make a grave cultural faux pas or tell an anecdote that’ll offend all the women and spill a drink all over ourselves – there’d be no swooning looks for us.